We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
