there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize