I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
