I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
