Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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