DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
