I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
