They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
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