How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
