I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
