You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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