Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
