Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
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