I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
