White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
