he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
