Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
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