just tell him i said nine months
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
