so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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