Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
