now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize