Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
