If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
