New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
