Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
