I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
