if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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