My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The beer is more important than you right now.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
