I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
