My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
only you would photoshop your dick
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
