I met the friendliest cop last night
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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