I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
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