at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
