i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize