and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
