No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
