She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
