i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
pray to the hookup gods
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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