I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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