Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
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