The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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