The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
