ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
