i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
