Pants 0. Shit 1.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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