Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
