but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I'm determined to sit on that face.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
