Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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