Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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