i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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