i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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