it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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