sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
