Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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