the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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