The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
