my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
