halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
birth control should be required to get into college
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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