Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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