I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
