critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
