Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
