In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
