Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
