Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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