Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
