u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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