hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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