The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize