Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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