Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
