You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Randomize
