how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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